Unknown Author Golf Quotes

Unknown Author Golf Quotes

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A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.

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A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

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A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood. unknown author golf quotes

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A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

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A golfer's diet: Live on greens as much as possible.

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A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game. unknown author golf quotes

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A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

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Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if you can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've reached it.

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An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

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Born to golf. Forced to work. unknown author golf quotes

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Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

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Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

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Drive for show, Putt for dough, Shank for comic relief.

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Even God has to practice his putting.

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Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

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Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

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Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.

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Gimme: an agreement between two losers who can't quit.

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Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.

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Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

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Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. unknown author golf quotes

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Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.

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Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic. unknown author golf quotes

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Golf is an easy game...It's just hard to play.

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Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

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Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life.

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Golf is like marbles for adults.

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Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work... and both are expensive.

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Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

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Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.

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Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

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Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

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Gone golfin' ... be back dark thirty.

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Hazards attract; fairways repel.

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He can take his game to Europe, Africa, Asia or wherever he wants and the world will follow.

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I wish I could play my normal game...just once.

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I’ve spent most of my life golfing – the rest I’ve just wasted.

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If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot.

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If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.

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If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

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If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.

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If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

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If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf...it is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.

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If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

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If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme Putt", you might wish to reconsider this game.

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If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

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If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

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In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of self expression. In America we call it golf.

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In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers... they shoot a six, yell "fore" and write five.

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In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf. unknown author golf quotes

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It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt . . . for a 10.

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It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if you are performing Brain Surgery!!!! unknown author golf quotes

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It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

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It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard.

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It's not a gimme if you're still away.

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I've spent most of my life golfing .... the rest I've just wasted.

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Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

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My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.

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Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

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No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

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Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

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Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt.

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Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed.

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Real golfers have 2 handicaps: one for bragging and one for betting. unknown author golf quotes

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Real golfers know how to count over five, when they have a bad hole.

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Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

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Swing easy. Hit hard.

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The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.

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The greatest sound in golf is the Woosh, Woosh, Woosh, of your opponents club as he hurls it across the fairway.

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The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

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The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

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The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

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The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

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The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."

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There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

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To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

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To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.

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When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.

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When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

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Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?

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You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.